


Living to Die Again

by RachelDanna



Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians & Related Fandoms - All Media Types, Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rick Riordan
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, I just had to with those two okay, M/M, No they are not a couple for heavens sake, Other, Reincarnation AU, Spoilers for basically the whole damn series, The only fluff in this dang thing is will and nico, Tragedy, sibling fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-11
Updated: 2015-10-11
Packaged: 2018-04-25 22:21:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,047
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4978750
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RachelDanna/pseuds/RachelDanna
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The never ending cycles continues, aware yet uncaring of two children who time and time again meet each other. Only, it comes with a price- one that Nico di Angelo is all too aware of.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Living to Die Again

Nico remembered.

He remembered when Percy Jackson, the son of Poseidon, arrived at Camp Half Blood after the quest he had gone for in place of Nico.

He remembered being ecstatic seeing his crush well and alive. But he also remembered the confusion of not seeing Bianca with him. He remembered the pure terror he had felt when the realisation that something terribly wrong had happened, and that his sister was the most crucial part of it- the star of a tragically devastating play, if you will.

He remembered Percy telling him that Bianca wasn’t coming back. Lost in a pile of metal in the middle of nowhere.

_Exactly_  as the prophecy had foretold.

He remembered how he had screamed, yelling in anguish and pain at the news that his big sister, the sister that force-fed him vegetables during dinner with their mother, the sister that reprimanded him when he sneaked a cookie from her plate, the sister that would grumble but comply willingly whenever he woke her up at sacrilegiously early hours on Christmas Day, the sister that told him it was okay to feel love for another of the same gender and that he wasn't stupid or mad, the sister that _accepted_  the real him, the only sister he ever had, was dead.

Bianca di Angelo was dead, but there wasn't even a body to honour her sacrifice.

He remembered the hollow look in Percy's eyes as the son of Poseidon thrust a small figure into Nico's hands. He remembered staring at it while anguish overtook him as he willed himself not to cry, his eyes rimmed red from the exertion. He remembered hurling the statue across the icy marble floor as fury and hate flowed through his veins.

The miniature statue of Hades- the god of the underworld, their father- was the cause of his sister's demise.

What a joke.

He remembered Percy lifting up his sword as he turned around to face the skeleton warriors that had followed the young teenager, and fended them off and shouted at Nico to run. _As if running would have solved anything_. At this point, Nico may as well have been in Tartarus, for the agony that he had felt at the loss of his sister almost suffocated him. He had been convinced that Percy had tried to kill him and somewhere between the intense feelings of grief and fear, the ground had split open, swallowing the warriors as he yelled his lungs out. Nico doesn’t remember how he did it, or how it had even happened, but he could remember the feeling of emptiness in knowing that Bianca wouldn’t be able to hold him on the nights when it got too lonely to bear, that she wouldn't be able to admonish him over anything any longer- that she wouldn't be there for him ever again.

He wouldn’t be able to see her smile, her laugh, the little scowl on her face when she got upset with him. The worried look on her face whenever he fell down and scraped his knees, nor the cheeky laugh and teasing remarks when his face lit up with embarrassment whenever he noticed a cute boy walking down the street. He wouldn’t be able to hear her voice telling him _it’s going to be okay, no matter what happens, she'll always love him_.

The worst part about it was that he couldn't even recall the last time he had told her he loved her. Had Bianca even known it? That Nico had loved her with every fibre of his being? Because he did; and he regretted that he had let every chance he'd gotten slip past his fingers just because he thought it was embarrassing for a _boy_  to even think of the three words, let alone say it to his sister. Oh how he regretted being so stupid.

He remembered that he had felt his sister, _his_  Bianca, while she stood amongst the dead in the Fields of Asphodel as her life was evaluated. He remembered that he had felt his sister choose her path, and that tears had formed in his eyes as the realisation that his sister was _dead_ , she was dead and _oh gods what am I supposed to do now-_ , had _finally_  sunk into him, as it had deeply etched itself into his very being and had shaped his mentality- his personality and his thoughts.

By the time Percy had run out to the woods to look for the young Italian, Nico was already gone. And that was when Nico di Angelo, son of Hades, broke for the first time.

He couldn’t save his sister. He wasn’t even there for her last few moments. As night fell in the shadows of a forest far, far away from Camp Half Blood, the place that was the source of his misery, he continued running, not even knowing where he was going. He remembered that he had been freezing and the blizzard had blurred his sight while the snow coated his hair white. But there had been nothing, _nothing_  that could have compared to the cold that had seeped into his heart, a painful ache that pounded itself against his chest. And Nico remembered that he had sworn to all the gods above that if he were given another chance, he would save Bianca. That he would keep her alive and within his reach. That she would be breathing, smiling, laughing, and just living. That he wouldn't fail her again.

And thus, the cycle began.

* * *

Nico hadn’t realised it, much less remembered, until he saw Bianca getting caught in the middle of a brawl.

They had just been taking a walk down the street after dinner, and Bianca Weathers, a schoolmate in his university, had been laughing about something silly while Nico had simply snorted and nudged her side, a small smile on his pale face.

He hadn’t anticipated that someone would have actually attacked them in the middle of the night. The man had been drunk, and the two schoolmates had clearly been mistaken for somebody else. Bianca had immediately stepped in front of him like the protective friend (and sister, though the two hadn't know it at that moment) she was, and did her best to defend Nico from this drunken fool.

He hadn’t bothered to figure out what the man was going on and on about as he attacked them, the only thing he had been concerned about was when Bianca got hit in the head by the glass bottle the drunk was carrying.

Nico had stared blankly in shock at the crystal shards that were embedded in Bianca's head, and it wasn’t until her blood trickled down the sidewalk that he had started yelling for help.

The man seemed to panic at knowing what he had done, but Nico didn’t care about that him, knowing somewhere in the back of his head that the police would find him. He only ever cared about his friend as he knelt down by her side and cradled her head in his arms, sobbing and desperately attempting to rouse Bianca from her state of unconsciousness. "Bianca, stay with me! Bi, please, why won’t you wake up?! Bianca? Bianca _please! Wake up!"_

The ambulance arrived in another ten minutes, and he had absolutely refused to leave her side even as the paramedics lifted her into the vehicle, all the while clutching her hand like the younger brother he hadn't known he once was.

And despite the haste lost in blaring sirens and the blur of red lights as the ambulance sped by, it wasn't fast enough. Bianca was pronounced dead a mere fifteen minutes later.

They hadn’t even reached the hospital.

The two of them had been studying in the local university, and while Nico had wanted to be an engineer, Bianca had hoped that she could become a doctor. To treat the sick and wounded, to extend the lives of the less than fortunate, and most importantly, to save them. She hadn't even achieved her dream, yet alone lived her life properly. Funny how she died in an ambulance of all things.

That was when Nico finally remembered. His sister’s pale and very much stilled body broke something in him, and he remembered. He remembered the first time she'd died, when Percy had told him he couldn’t do anything to save her and that they searched for her for too long to only come up with no results.

Nico had failed again, his sister was dead, and he let out a scream similar to the first time he'd found out that she had died, and the doctors stared at him in pity.

He was angry with himself, for not remembering earlier. For not remembering their demigod days, or rather, his, when he lived his life regretting Bianca’s death, for not being able to save her.

And Nico crashed into another million pieces.

* * *

Fire.

Smoke filled his lungs as the whole row of houses caught in a blaze. Screaming for Bianca Stillington, Nico de Sol pushed aside the fallen debris and frantically searched around for his best friend.

Nico's eyes were tearing from the smoke and his desperation to not fail Bianca again when he heard her scream, “Nico! Why did you come back?! Get out of here!” before it was quickly followed by a hacking cough that made fear course through his body.

He saw her sprawled across their living room; the glass-cased bookshelf on top of her legs as he gasped for what little oxygen there was in the blazing room.

“Bianca!” Nico yells, crossing what was once her family's hideous flower printed couch that was now aflame before running to her side, scorching his arms just to get to her. “Hang on! Just hang on!” Nico pleaded as he attempted to lift the heavy shelf off her legs. He froze in place when Bianca cried out in pain, both their tears coming down in streams.

_(No, no, no! Not again! Please! Please don’t take her away from me again!)_

“NICO, GO! GET OUT OF HERE! THIS PLACE IS GOING TO COLLAPSE AND YOU’LL DIE! GET OUT!” Bianca screamed at him, clutching his arms tightly to stop him from trying to pull her out.

Nico shook his head furiously, and hissed loudly, “NOT WITHOUT YOU!” as he struggled, tears streaming down his face. When he realised that there wasn’t anything he could do, Nico dropped to his knees by her side, gripping her hand tightly as sobs racked his body.

“I’ll find you again. I’ll swear I will. In the next life. Bianca, wait for me. I’ll find you again and again and again until I save you and you’re alive and living by my side.” He said, tears in his eyes. "I swear it on the River Styx, I'll find you again."

Bianca had looked at him with a confused expression, her face smudged black with the smoke surrounding them. Just as she opened her mouth to speak, a loud explosion caught her words and Nico’s world blacked out.

The last thing he saw was Bianca being engulfed in flames.

* * *

They were both siblings, but they were poor in this life, living off leftovers and resorting to crime to sustain their life.

Nico had considered telling Bianca about their past lives before, because she didn’t seem to remember any of it. But recalling those moments where he had failed to save her made him lose it a little bit more, it pulled at the edges of his sanity, and he decided to drop the topic altogether.

It wasn’t as if Bianca would believe him anyway.

Nico hated the days when Bianca had to beg for money just to buy medicine for him when he got sick. He disliked seeing her like that, on her knees crying for a few pieces of paper just so that she could see her brother healthy once more. On those days, he did his best to lie in hopes of tricking Bianca. But she never believed any of it, what with coughs racking his body, his face flushed and body shivering.

But he hated the tsunami that hit them even more than that. He had felt the rumbling of the earth beneath his feet, and he shuddered at the memory of Gaia rising in his first life, but pushed it aside when the rumbling started to get worse. When the water hit and swallowed the entire city of New Orleans, Nico’s arm sprung out to catch Bianca’s by his side.

The fear in her eyes doubled his own, and his eyes had gone wide and a silent scream escaped his lips as her hand slipped away. Nico lunged towards her, but it wasn't enough and he just couldn’t reach her as the current dragged her away, separating the two siblings from each other. Each time he broke the surface for air, he screamed for Bianca as he flailed and floundered in the gushing water, demanding where she was and if she was okay before the water swallowed him back up without letting him finish his pleas.

It was ironic, how the elements were so against them. What next? A hailstorm? A tornado?

When the disaster was over, Nico gathered around with the survivors, scanning the crowd for his sister, pushing people away and screaming for her over and over again.

It wasn’t until he had tripped over Bianca’s body that he'd stopped searching. Nico had bitten his lip, breaking the skin and making it bleed. The blood slid down his chin and soaked his already drenched shirt.

Just like how Bianca’s was soaked in her own blood, a sharp metal pole through her body as her eyes stared at nothing, unseeing.

* * *

Nico was twenty five.  


He worked as a bartender half an hour down the road in London by car, with Leo. When Nico first saw him, he had frozen in his tracks, looking at him in disbelief.

Leo’s eyes had widened in surprise, but he recomposed himself and had simply grinned at him while giving him an enthusiastic salute. “Nice to meet’cha!” he laughed. “The name’s Leo Valdez!”

Leo remembered everything.

He remembered his mother, Hera, Gaia... _everything_. Leo had even remembered Calypso, whom he had found again, and they were still a happy couple. To be honest, Nico was a little jealous. But he was happy for his not so close friend either way. Leo deserved that happiness after all.

“You still haven’t found your sister?” Leo asked one night, long after the bar had closed for the day. Nico and Leo had been pouring each other shots, and were on the brink of getting drunk.

As long as they had paid for their drinks, they figured their manager wouldn’t kick them out for staying the night in their supposed working place.

Nico shook his head, “We’re not siblings in this time. I search for her almost every day, but I still can’t find her.” He sighed, downing the whiskey before slamming the glass down a little harder than necessary after it was empty.

Leo shook his head, and smiled at Nico with rosy cheeks, conviction clear in his voice despite his drunken appearance. “You’ll find her.” Nico snorts, but doesn’t protest when his companion pours him another drink.

He didn’t stay the night at the bar after all, the memories of the drunk that had taken Bianca's life the very first time they were reborn suddenly fresh in his mind. Instead, he had hauled Leo with him and into a taxi, driving both of them home. In his drunken state, he might’ve paid the driver too much, but at that point he didn’t really care.

The next morning, he woke up with a pounding in his head and the urge to vomit into the nearest trashcan. Dragging himself out of bed, he ran to the toilet, and did just that.

Someone sighed behind him, and when he pulled away, his housemate was raising his eyebrows at him.

“You shouldn’t have drunk so much, man.”

Nico simply flipped him off, and had the decency to shower and brush his teeth before leaving the house. It wasn’t a good idea walking down the busy streets when you were having a hangover. Nico found himself watching as a car sped towards him, not noticing that he had crossed the street when the light for pedestrians was glowing bright red.

He had enough time to react by closing his eyes, putting his arms in front of him as if that would save him from the impact. He heard the tires screeching, the yells of the other people-

_“WATCH OUT!”_

-and the loud smack that followed.

Nico fell to the ground, grunting at the push, but the impact didn't feel anything like a car. It felt soft, warm, but with an urgency that was too familiar to not recognise. He snapped his eyes opened, and glanced at the person who took the hit for him. His jaw went slack, his throat tightened, and for what felt like the billionth time since he was reborn, dragged himself over to the woman’s side.

Her hands moved unsteadily to lay on Nico’s lap, spread open as her head faced him, eyes wide open with blood running down her forehead, a silent question, asking if he was alright. She was _dying_  and she was asking if _he_  was alright. He remembered every detail, and with trembling hands, he reached to cup the sides of her rapidly growing cold face. Distantly, he heard the cry of the people around them, yelling for an ambulance. He could hear Leo's voice amongst them, filled with pain on Nico's behalf.

He brushed his thumb past her lips as he whispered a single word.

“Bianca.”

But the only response he got was a weak smile before her heart stopped once more, leaving him empty because what kind of joke were the Fates playing at, having him saved by the sister he vowed to protect.

Nico died a little more inside.

* * *

In this life, he met Will.

“Nico.” Will had tears in his eyes, and Nico had the decency to smile, allowing Will to wrap his arms around his small body. “I didn’t think I’d see you again, Will.” He muttered as he closed his eyes and breathed in the comforting scent of lemongrass that Will had, relishing in the warmth of his love.

“I missed you too, Death Boy.” Will chuckled. Nico rolled his eyes at the childish nickname he had gotten in their first lives before he had pulled away, despite having kept a grip on Will’s hand. “How is she?” He eventually asked, glancing at the ward Bianca was sleeping in, and back to Will, clad in a doctor’s uniform, coat and all.

Shaking his head, he looked at Bianca through the small window by the door, and sighs. “Fourth stage brain cancer. We can’t help her. Not anymore. We can prolong her remaining months, but…” Will trailed off, his voice soft and distant, so unlike the loud and exuberant boy Nico was so used to.

He let out a shuddering breath, the reality of this weighing down on him, and as he dropped himself on one of the plastic chairs in the hallway, he leaned down to hide his face in his hands. “Just when I thought we would get through this one. What a joke.” Nico laughs, void of any humor. “Zeus must be laughing at me now, isn’t he?” he snarled, getting up to punch the opposite wall, but despite his fist protesting after a few hits, he kept punching as Will watched on in silence until he had stopped on his own.

Pulling Nico back onto the chair, Will didn't say anything, kneeling by his knees and taking the red and blistered hand in his. “I’m sorry.” Will mumbled, pulling Nico into another hug. “Does she remember you? The first you?” he asked, stroking through Nico’s hair comfortingly.

“No.” Nico spat, malice underlying in his tone, not towards Bianca, never towards Bianca, but towards whoever the fuck thought it was funny to do this to them. His eyes squeezed shut, as he vainly tried not to cry. “She hasn’t remembered me for the past tens of times.”

In this life, Bianca had cancer. And he couldn’t do anything to stop it from happening.

* * *

She died from a gunshot.

Nico watched in horror as the robbers pointed a gun at her stomach, watched as she screamed and they screamed, watched as she refuses to give the code to unlock the vault holding the precious diamonds and gold, watched as they lost their patience and pulled the trigger.

It was the first time he wished he was the son of Pluto, so he could summon the treasures just as Hazel once did in their first life.

With a strength he didn’t know he had, he charged and ripped the gun from the person who had shot his sister, who was still a stranger in this world, put it to his neck, and without any hesitation, pulled the trigger.

Screams broadcasted across the room, but Nico didn’t stop, pointing the gun to the other three men who had decided it would be the best to rob this particular store in New York. Fury clouded his eyes, and by the time he was done, the robbers’ bodies lay motionless on the ground.

Nico screamed, tears running down his face and hitting the ground, bloodied and stained, the sight so wrong and disturbing, the other customers looking on in shock. Collapsing to his knees, he crawled to Bianca’s side, pleading for her to stay, whimpering and holding her cold body in his arms.

Bianca stared up at him, her face pale as a sheet. Her stormy eyes slowly lost their colour, but with her last breaths, she smiled, “Nico... You’re alive.” Her hand reached up to brush across her brother’s twenty year old face. A shaky chuckle followed, tears in her eyes as her hold on his face slackened, “Look how… handsome… you’ve gotten. I wished we had more... time.... Nico, I love.. you.” her voice faded off into a whisper.

Her hand dropped to the ground, and Nico had to remind himself to breathe. Gripping Bianca’s shoulders till his knuckles turned white, he blinked back tears, and started shaking her. “Bianca. Bianca you remember me. Bianca? Bianca!” he yelled, fresh tears springing into his eyes, and he screamed, “Bianca? Bianca, I love you too! Bianca please! Wake up! Wake up, wake up, wake up!” Nico had failed to tell her that he loved her once more, and his eyes stung with the tears already spilling out of his eyes, dripping onto her face, her eyes, her lips, her nose.

He had failed to tell his sister that he loved her. Again.

By the time the police and ambulance arrived, Bianca was already dead in his arms. Feeling cold and numb, Nico was found with his face in Bianca’s neck, crying for all his worth, wondering what the hell did they do to deserve any of this.

_Wake up… please. Wake up. Just wake up._

* * *

__

When Nico met Percy, the first thing he did was punch him across the face, frustration and anger spilling out of him, fuelling the punch with power. But the frustration soon died down, and he shook his hand from the pain, but dismissed it just as quickly.

Annabeth was by his side in an instant, and a crowd gathered around them. “Nico.” He managed, pulling himself up to stare at him. Annabeth snapped her head up at the name, and Nico snorts.

“Remember me, do you?” Nico hissed, grabbing his bag and pulling it on once more. “Nice to see you too, Jackson.” The man in front of him grinned, waving his hand, clad in simple rings.

“What was that punch for, you asshole?” Percy groaned, and Nico shrugs. “I just felt like it, jackass.” He smiled sarcastically. Percy scoffed, pulling himself up and walking towards Nico, socked him across his jaw, sending him sprawling onto the ground.

“Damn.” Nico gasped, rubbing the spot where Percy had hit him, “Still have that nasty right hook I see.” He muttered, before pulling himself up. Percy laughed, before slapping Nico’s head, and shrugs, “Old habits die hard, I guess.”

“You two are idiots.” Annabeth sighed, muttering something like boys, before smiling at Nico, greeting him with a simple wave. “Nice to see you, Nico. Even though a punch was a little overboard, don’t you think?”

Nico rolled his eyes, not bothering to answer when his eyes had widened as they caught sight of a familiar looking blonde head. “Jason?” He asked instead, walking with them to the college cafeteria, the crowd looking at them in complete confusion. _Because just what kind of people just punched each other across the jaw and act like not a damned thing happened?_

“The whole gang is here.” Percy answered, linking his hand with Annabeth’s, to think he used to have a crush on this idiot. Nico smirked as a memory surfaced in his thoughts. “Did Leo tell you about the time where he and I both worked in a bar together?”

“You’re kidding.” Annabeth frowned, and Nico laughed, “I’m not.”

It was after he sat down at the table, greeted by Jason’s surprised face and Leo’s grin, Will's immediate kiss that made Nico kick him with a flush on his cheeks, and the surprised yet cheerful greetings from the rest of their unsightly group, that he finally grew serious. “Have any of you seen Bianca?” he muttered, gripping Will’s hand, who was sitting next to him.

Silence answered him, and Nico closed his eyes, sighing as he rested his chin on the table, “I’ll take that as a no.”

“Nico…” Piper bit her lip. Nico looked up, seeing Hazel and Frank at the far corner of the table. Offering a small, sad smile, he motioned at his half sister. “At least I have her.”

Even so, it was the most relaxed life Nico had for the past few centuries. Spending time with his old friends, actually getting married this time (to Will, of course), and generally having a decent life.

But he didn’t find Bianca, not even once. And so, he tried again.

* * *

Thirty year old Nico watched seventeen year old Bianca stand on the top of the highest building in the city, and he clenched his fists together tightly, knuckles turning white like how they did whenever he realised he couldn’t do anything to stop Bianca from dying. He kept his eyes on the outline of her body, even from his distance, he could see the way Bianca's hair tussled in the wind, and she spread her arms out and dipped to the front.

He watched Bianca jump, his body going rigid as not even a scream left her lips. Nico sighed, closing his eyes before walking away.

He didn’t want to do this anymore, he didn’t want to watch his sister die again and again, knowing he couldn’t do a single fucking thing to stop it from happening.

He walked away, far away from the scene. He lost his sister to suicide; he'd lost his sister because his sister had actually _wanted to die._

Nico didn’t want to do it anymore, he was exhausted, he just wanted to curl up in a corner and cry, it was so tiring, but a faint glimmer of hope made him want to try again. That small thread of hope that they could actually live together again, happily. He imagined Bianca and himself, sitting in the couch of whatever house they were living in, laughing and joking over silly matters that warmed their hearts. He imagined Bianca smiling, imagines her cooking and complaining about his picky tastes, imagined her kiss his forehead and laugh when he pushes her away and whines.

Maybe it was just that the conditions of life were never to their favour. Despite that, Nico told himself that he would try once more. After all, it shouldn't be like this. Life will get tired of them eventually, granting them a happy living for once. With that hope, Nico pushed on.

* * *

  


  


Nico looks at the scene before him, familiar and known. They’re reborn once more, and they were siblings, their age differences were the same as their first life. Demigods. The only difference? They were the children of Eros. Funny, how he had cursed Eros when he was forced to admit his feelings about Percy in his first life. What a damned ironic situation.  


_‘What a fucking joke.’_   Nico thinks, kicking the pebbles away from him on the snowy mountains where they dwell, no sooner than that, Bianca runs up to him, her face serious but having a little glint in her eyes. A glint Nico had learnt to be cautious of. His fists clenches together again, knuckles turning white. Bracing himself for what he had a feeling would come, he faces his sister, a little fear seeping into his bones.

_“Nico. I’m joining the hunters.”_

Nico wonders if Artemis knows who they once were, they look different, but their features are still roughly the same, easily recognisable. Percy, reincarnated as a child of Apollo this time, turns to him, overhearing Bianca’s exclamation. A profound look of utter _fear_ was on the once-hero's face as he shakes his head violently, a look Nico would do anything to rid off (it didn't suit the green eyed boy he once called his crush) but Nico dismisses it with a small smile.

It has come to this, hasn't it? He couldn’t avoid this after all.

Turning back to Bianca, the smile still plastered on his face, he exhales silently before nodding his head in affirmation to his sister's choice.

“Okay.”

He closes his eyes, a small sigh escaping his lips. He thinks of Bianca's smile, and Bianca living a happy life, before deciding that he would do this over and over again. He didn't give a damn how tired he was from trying, he wanted his sister happy, alive, and by his side.

After all, demigods never lived a peaceful life.

  


And so, the cycle repeats.   


**Author's Note:**

> Bless you Maxine for putting up with my shit pass midnight. As always.   
> And for beta'ing this so many times and dealing with all my angst shitz. Why does our combined work always seem to go over 2 in the morning?


End file.
